Dear Aunty,
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I am in my late 60s and my husband just turned 70.
We have been married for almost 20 years having both been previously married and divorced.
We seem to have slipped into an uneasy friendship, inasmuch as there is no spark, no physical intimacy, and no goals or shared plans for the future.
I'm just not sure how to bridge the gap before it becomes too big a hurdle.
We actually haven't had sex for about eight months and at our age I wouldn't have thought we were past it yet.
Any ideas would be gratefully appreciated.
AGONY AUNT
RELATIONSHIPS are not static, they ebb and flow like the tides.
So things will change and the people within the relationship change also.
It sounds a little like you both have taken your eye off the ball and have gone into cruise mode.
The down side of this comfy little place is that it becomes a rut and before you know it you are like two strangers occupying the same arena.
However all is not lost. You both need to acknowledge that there is a bit of an issue and take a new journey together.
Date night is a must, little notes, flowers, favourite meals, a weekend away to somewhere that has great memories, laughing together, remembering what put the sizzle in your marriage in the first place.
Appreciation, genuine care and a willingness to get that spark back will have you both smiling in no time at all. The sex or intimacy will then flow naturally. I am no expert on when and if people stop having sex, but I surely hope it isn't in your 60s and 70s.
If you think the issue is more serious than what I have gleaned from your email, get some counselling. These professionals work wonders with people languishing in stale relationships.
Good luck, you can do it!
BOYS' CLUB
EIGHT months is way too long. You need to take care of your man!
- EMAIL: aunty.agony@outlook.com
- HELP: Lifeline 13 11 14