DEAR Agony Aunt,
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Our son is married to an emotionally abusive woman. We try to keep a relationship going with them and with our grandchildren.
She threatens our son with divorce even over the most trivial issue and shows no control when it comes to yelling at him and the kids.
Our son doesn’t confront her because he wants an intact family for his children. He also says she’ll make his life miserable.
We never drop in on them because we were told that she doesn’t like that, even though we don’t know why or understand this. However, when she needs a favour (such as time to get a manicure), she will ask us to baby-sit, which we happily do.
What can we do to continue our relationship with our son and grandchildren?
AGONY AUNT
MY FIRST instinct was to tell you to get a new daughter-in-law but that really won’t help you. It seems that your son is being isolated and controlled by an emotionally abusive wife. By this action she controls you and your grandchildren too.
Your son should probably be making some better choices for himself and the family unit. An “intact” family unit does not necessarily mean a productive and happy unit. When she starts berating him in front of you I suggest you vote with your feet. Ask her to stop and if she doesn’t, quietly leave the premises.Take away her audience and therefore limit her control.
Until she starts behaving I suggest there are no more baby sitting favours.
BOYS CLUB
STOP playing her game and take a stand.