Agony Aunt
DEAR columnists,
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My husband and I have been married for six years and have one beautiful child and another on the way. Overall, the time we have been together has been wonderful, no complaints.
Over the years my husband has shared his concern that I may cheat on him. I have never been unfaithful, nor have I ever given him any reason to think I would be. He knows my father was unfaithful to my mother many years ago. We both learned about it because my mother shared it while discussing my brother and his wife.
How can I get my husband to stop putting me in the same category as my father?
He says he read that cheating is hereditary so I'm bound to do it. He throws the same accusation at me any time he gets upset with me. It's starting to affect my hope for our future because I don't think he will ever trust that I love him and don't plan to commit adultery.
AGONY AUNT
YOU know what? This guy is never going to believe that you won’t cheat and it’s not just about the ridiculous information he is basing his behaviour on.
This guy has self-esteem issues which are clearly compounded by what he chooses to believe. Any intelligent man would do some research. It isn’t hard. Mr Google can answer almost any question. You husband doesn’t want to know the truth - this way he has control of you.
And I think you know that. So let’s just clear this up - all my readers take note – infidelity, whether emotional or physical, is not hereditary.
People do not cheat because their genes are not pure.
People cheat because of an error of judgement, momentary lapse of moral fibre, or because they are basically a philanderer.
Person one can be “fixed”, person two cannot.
Believe me on this! Get Mr Google cranked up and show your husband the facts. Then when he starts up again you can cite the information. You will know however that this is about his esteem and need for control.
Then you will need to make some hard decisions.
BOYS CLUB
WE’VE got no idea what to say. Hereditary huh? The guy needs some serious help.
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