Agony Aunt answers your questions, June 27, 2015

For the last year I have been trying to deal with  my boyfriend’s ex.

She will just  never go away.  

This woman broke up with my boyfriend  repeatedly while they were dating because she was never able to figure out what she really wanted. 

My boyfriend claims he has no feelings for her at all and would never resume a relationship with her.

She, on the other hand, upon finding out that he had begun dating someone else (me), began calling him in tears and begging him to take her back.

He has made it clear to her that he is in a relationship, that he wanted to be as respectful to me as possible, and that she would eventually get over him and they could have a friendship. 

She has now begun dating someone else, but that has not stopped her from calling my boyfriend, asking about our relationship, and occasionally suggesting that they make plans. 

This is starting to eat away at me and erode our relationship.

The funny thing is that I know he would not condone this behaviour from me.

LET’S get this right.  Regardless of all the propaganda to the contrary, romantic relationships do not transition to friendships. 

To have him say to this woman,  that he want to still be friends is actually giving her hope, especially when she is making it very clear that she wants to “make plans” with him.

What planet is he on that he cannot see this quite clearly?

The second thing that occurs to me is that  he is making choices about his relationship with this woman that upset you.  

And also, this is not just recent, you have been with him for over a year.

Really?

And you are still putting up with this?

The way he is handling this should tell you a lot about his character and perhaps his sense of loyalty.

Or perhaps his ego is fragile and keeping all the women from his failed relationships at the ready gives him some sense of control and worthiness.  

Who knows?  Whatever his reasons, he is wrong, not only to you but to this other woman who really needs to get some self respect.

Chasing after what used to be honey, is quite embarrassing and demeaning.

And in case you haven’t noticed he has chosen somebody new. So much for sisterhood huh?

I have long said that these liaisons are dangerous.

One person is clearly holding on, most assuredly in hope and the other is just plain lacking in the guts required to say goodbye.

I think you have got to tell him that you will not tolerate this any more, or maybe you need to show him how it feels if you know what I mean.  

Up to you but relationships are hard enough without a third person in the mix.

AS GUYS we reckon he may be still carrying feelings for her.

It’s her or you we reckon.