Dear Agony Aunt,
AS FRIENDS we have been close for a long time.
We are all in our early 30s and have been friends over 15 years.
Issues are beginning to emerge with one of our friends.
She falls fast and frequently for guys, and she ends up scaring them off and dragging us all into it. She also has started making horribly mean comments to, and about, some of our friends.
She usually plays them off as jokes, but many times her “jokes” cross the line.
If we don't talk with her about her behaviour, then aren’t we enabling her? Will she just continue to think she can treat people this terribly?
And how will this affect other areas of her life that she would like to change? If we do bring it up to her, we are honestly concerned about her state of mind.
She sometimes seems so down on herself and depressed ... but it’s almost immediately followed by lashing out at others.
We want to help her, but we don't want it to come across as an attack on her - which will just cause her to shut down. What do you think?
WELL my first thought is that something is going on in her life that is causing her quite a deal of stress which in course then leads to her “lashing out”.
Having said that, it is not approriate and will eventually to her having no friends or few at a time when she obviously needs them.
Who in your group is her “best friend”? They are the one that should take her aside and genuinely and with care and consideration find out what is happening in her life.
A group attack is nothing short of an ambush and sure to cause her to retreat! If she has no bestie, then I nominate you. At least you have asked for assistance, even if it is to us.
Sometimes this is how people cry out for help. I know it is unpleasant and frustating but sometimes people do not know how to ask for help. Be the one to help.
OBVIOUSLY something going down. No need to put up with it. Do her a favour, and have a talk to her.
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