Behind every good thing I say or do lies a bad thought or intention.

That is just me and my life with borderline personality disorder. 

Life often feels like a daydream of desire and obsession.

The desire is mainly to do with objectification, beauty and perfection.

I am drawn towards people who have strong values, are emotionally intelligent, disciplined and responsible.

There are always imperfections, though, and for a fat, rugged man I am very superficial.

That leads to my obsessions and the never-ending need for validation. 

Having borderline personality disorder, you are not in tune with people’s emotional needs or feelings.

Relationships with partners, friends and family are very difficult and you always feel that people are going to abandon you.

We are very manipulative, impulsive and are very unsure of our identity, which in turn makes me more feel more inappropriate, disassociated, irritable and stressed.

Support groups, such as Samantha Brunskill’s Embrace Mental Health Meetups (Wagga, 6pm, Romanos, first Thursday of each month) are great.

Prior to going to my first Embrace meeting, I’d hidden from almost everyone for the past 10 years or so, afraid of being rejected and hurt again.

Now though I play indoor soccer every Tuesday night, I exercise at the gym and I do yoga twice a week.

This and other good stuff would not have happened were it not for Samantha, Madeleine and Embrace.

I cannot thank them enough and I owe them a lot.

Life is nowhere near perfect but it’s much better in terms of mental and physical health for me now than it was before.

That said, you still have to be your own personal 24/7 support group too and not take your psychological issues out on other people.

It’s no good trying to be a mental health advocate if I’m not managing my illness, medication, diet, exercise and life in general well in accordance with advice from qualified health experts.

I can’t rely on another person to validate me as that has to come from within. 

With mental health in general, it’s so good to be able to talk to people about it, explain what it is, how to manage it and how you are going.

But at the same time not get too overly personal too quickly (not tell out your life story all at once).

Please just know that having a mental illness is not a choice, dealing with it and managing it is.

You are not helpless; you can learn to take care of yourself.

It is not up to people to make everything better for you.

That is not their job, it’s up to you.

You can be OK.

Please be honest, mindful, open, truthful and understanding.

You don't have to feel like or be a victim.

No one is perfect.

Accept imperfections, you will feel much better.

Face it and embrace it.

WE HAVE fortnightly payments charged to our credit card to pay our Origin Energy bill and we presently have a credit of $110.  Despite this, Origin have increased the fortnightly payments (without our consent), which indicate the cost of electricity will be increasing.

Are we concerned?  Definitely not, as Malcolm and Lucy have promised to take on the power companies.