Relationships Australia, Wagga practice manager Althea Brunskill said children are likely to hold onto bad memories caused by conflict, specifically children of separated parents.

Ms Brunskill said Christmas is already overwhelming, not to mention the challenges of this year surrounding COVID_19.

Those pressures added on top of children who have to divide their day between parents, or in some cases families, can be "a lot".

"Normally, [separated families have] another layer going on at Christmas time," she said.

"For children, they kind of have to walk a bit of a tightrope, managing what's happening with mum, what's happening with dad."

Ms Brunskill said it's important for both parties to learn how to navigate days like Christmas, to communicate and formulate a plan beforehand.

"It's interesting how you would remember the bad Christmas', not necessarily the good ones," she said.

"When they're bad, you remember them, they're etched into your memory.

"For children often there's a changeover on the day- so they've got to kind of manage two households. They're often very heavily indulged by both parents, then there's two lots of unwrapping of gifts, it's a lot, as well as any particular conflict that may happen.

"So, one thought is, focus on children, think about what they want to remember."

While gifts are well-received, Ms Brunskill said it's not the gifts that make Christmas.

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"It's about the special and meaningful time with their parents. Get off your phones for Christmas, it's an insidious disease and people don't realise what it's doing to relationships," she said.

"Pay attention to the children. They love nothing more than for the most meaningful adults in their lives to pay attention to them.

"Plan for how the changeover will roll out, if it's difficult for the partners, maybe organise a third party like a grandparent.

"It's also good to have a plan for parenting, so as to be really clear on Christmas prior to Christmas.

"Sometimes there are also basic things to remember like that it's not a competition, children don't need better presents here than what they got there.

"Perhaps it might also be helpful for parents to talk about what they're going to give so one's not giving the child a laptop."

A key message for parents according to Ms Brunskill is to not denigrate one another.

"After separation, there's a certain freedom to say whatever you want about the other parent and their relatives, but it's important- what they are listening to and learning, and they do, you pick up everything as a child," she said.

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