Being young is all about learning, changing and finding out who you are and what you want.
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Unfortunately, for some young people this freedom and the joys of irresponsibility are cut short by events in their life that lead to a loved one needing their help and support.
Being a carer is not a role young people usually have to take on. One I certainly didn't think I'd have to adapt to until I found myself, at 26 years old, putting my life on hold and becoming a full-time carer for both of my parents.
I grew up in Canada and moved to Sydney at 22 after meeting the woman who would go on to become my wife, Jenna. Life was going great, and my career was taking off. Then I got the call - the call none of us ever want to receive. My mother was in a coma, with a brain virus. She was only 55 and the main carer for my father who had a number of health issues and had recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. All of a sudden, my life as I knew it was turned upside down.
Swiftly, I made my way to my mother's bedside in Canada and by the time I arrived both of my parents were patients at the same hospital. When my mother came out of her coma, her brain had reset - she needed to learn everything again. At age 26 I was faced with some very tough and complicated decisions, and I knew this was just the beginning.
At age 26 I was faced with some very tough and complicated decisions, and I knew this was just the beginning.
On medical advice, I took mum home so she could live in familiar surroundings to aid her recovery. Every few weeks her mental state and behaviour would change - learning to walk and talk again, going through all the stages of development that a child would. It was physically, emotionally and financially draining.
After 12 months of caring for both of my parents simultaneously whilst also working remotely, I returned to Sydney and brought them with me. Back in Australia it wasn't just the full-time care that took its toll but also the financial burden as I was working three jobs to help pay for everything.
A holiday is not something I had thought about in a long time but as our wedding was coming up, Jenna and I decided to take some time for ourselves and book one.
Before we'd even made it through security upon landing in India, my phone was full of messages. My father had been rushed to hospital and was in ICU. We abruptly turned on our heels to get a flight back to be with my family but heartbreakingly, my dad passed away during our return flight.
Words can't explain how I felt in that moment. The whole journey had been a roller coaster and to miss out on those last moments with him in such a way was crushing. With the passing of my father there were a few issues with the visa application which presented more challenges as he was the primary visa applicant, and my mum was secondary on his visa. Now I was at a loss as to how I continue to care for my mum and make sure she had people around her for support.
A silver lining of this complex situation came from my aunt just before my wedding. She said that mum was very appreciative of everything I had done for her but that she was lonely. Now that she was dealing with the loss of her husband, she wanted to go back to her hometown and be in a close-knit community where she has her extended family to rely on. Mum is now back in Canada and lives mostly independently as she has almost completely recovered.
I can't say that this experience was something I had anticipated in my life, but we made it work as a family and I am definitely not the only person to have been suddenly thrown into an unexpected caring role.
Research by Developing Australian Communities found one in three (30 per cent) Australians have cared for either a family member or friend, with two-thirds (61 per cent) having only stepped up as a carer because no one else would as was the case with my story.
Sadly, the research reflects my own experience, that taking on a caring role comes with significant personal impact. One in two (47 per cent) carers admit the ability to live their own life is impacted and a further third (32 per cent) say it impacts their own health.
Carers like myself provide support and care without expectation of a thank you or reward, but simply because it is a role thrust upon us. We embrace it and make the best of it. That's why my wife and I began an organisation to help people experiencing similar problems to my parents. Like Family tackles social isolation by matching locals who care with locals in need.
There is also help through organisations like Developing Australian Communities, which supports people living with disabilities and their carers. It's so important that carers across the country are themselves taken care of.
- Mat Bertrand became the full-time carer of both his parents at age 26. He is the co-founder of Like Family.