Veteran Australian journalist Ray Martin will lead a panel discussion on domestic violence in Wagga on Wednesday. The My Story. Our Story event is aimed at focusing on changing attitudes and beliefs and recognising that rigid gender stereotypes and gender inequality are the main drivers of domestic and family violence.
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When he was just 11, Mr Martin left the family home with his mother, who had endured years of emotional, verbal and physical abuse at the hands of his drunk father. He has seen the impact of domestic violence not just personally, but on the community at large.
"There's 20 women who have been killed in Australia this year by husbands or spouses or mostly people who pretend to love them and then violate them and I think it's that kind of thing that we need to begin a conversation a little more strongly about and I think the Wagga initiative is a really good one," Mr Martin said.
"It's only a first step and it's not going to suddenly change people overnight, or even any time soon, but we've got to start speaking to our sons and our brothers and our fathers and our grandfathers and change some attitudes and change some approaches. That's a good way to start."
Mr Martin admits he was initially concerned that three of the four panelists for Wednesday's event were male.
"I said to the organisers 'is this proper to have three blokes and one woman on a discussion of domestic violence', but they said 'we've done it deliberately because clearly in most cases women are the victims and men are the perpetrators'. Clearly men need to talk to men, whether they be our sporting heroes or people like me, or the bloke next door.
"We need to tell men that this is a zero-tolerance zone.
"I think the three men in the panel is probably a good thing, even though our brains would say 'it's probably got to be 50/50'.
"I'm just hoping men turn up, that's all."
Mr Martin said he was concerned by a Wagga survey which showed one out of four men believed males were expected to have a dominant role in a partnership and one in 25 people believe there were times when you can understand why someone has committed domestic violence.
"Well, no there isn't," he said.
"They've got laws in Scandinavia - where I was earlier this year doing some stuff - which has zero tolerance when it comes to alcohol.
"There is no provocation that allows men to hit women and it doesn't matter what has happened. Men need to be told to walk away."
Mr Martin said he has seen social changes since his own childhood experiences with domestic violence.
"I see good changes in my son and his mates and their attitudes, I think, are quite genuine," he said.
"Even attitudes towards seeing an especially attractive woman and making the sort of crude sexist comments that men of my generation made in a pub or club or somewhere else - I don't see my son doing that.
"I think, slowly, some of our men are realising that it is no longer acceptable and clearly part of the discussion on Wednesday night is calling out men to interrupt other men: calling out their mates and saying 'oh mate, this isn't the 1950s, this is 2020s almost. That's a bit rough or a bit unnecessary'.
"Those sort of things we can say in pleading on behalf of our sisters or our girlfriends, or just all women in general.
"I do think things are changing in general, except with a woman killed - almost one a week in Australia - by someone who pretends to love them. That's not a fast enough change. That's absolutely inexcusable. That's just the tip of the iceberg. If a women is being killed once a week, clearly there are hundreds and hundreds of women who are being abused.
"Seeing it in your family, seeing your father doing it against your mother often leads to you doing it. That thing becomes the norm. If the norm is to have Dad shouting at Mum, or belting Mum, it's amazing how sons don't learn from that. Sons adopt the tactic in their lives.
"It's possible to change attitudes if the campaign's good enough."
My Story. Our Story will be held at the Wagga Civic Theatre from 7pm on Wednesday.
With Mr Martin will be Genevieve Fleming from the Wagga Women's Health Centre, Senior Constable Troy Fisher and Steve Meredith of NRL Respect. Tickets are $10 from www.civictheatre.com.au.