For almost two decades, Tom Harkin has done the impossible. He has regularly brought men together in a room to discuss their feelings.
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The Sydney mental health advocate and founder of Tomorrow Man will bring his lifesaving message to Wagga on Wednesday October 24. The free ‘blokes night’ will be held at Kildare Catholic College from 6pm.
Established in 2001, Tomorrow Man has seen its biggest growth in the past five years. It reflects the alarming rate of men suicide statistics in Australia.
The Bureau of Statistics currently estimates six men around the country die from suicide every day. On average that amounts to one every four hours.
“Nothing kills men in the 15 to 44 year age bracket more than themselves,” said Mr Harkin.
“If you do the basic maths, men die by suicide 12 times more than they do by car crashes, and yet we see ads all the time telling us how to stay safe on the road, or to stop smoking, or wear sunscreen – all these good things that are there to keep us alive.
“You never see ads about this, about how many people die this way.”
Mr Harkin believes the approach needs to value prevention above all.
“Something needs to be done. We need to help men normalise talking about things that are a bit deeper, so that they can strengthen that muscle for when it is a matter of life and death.
“If it gets to that point, and that’s the first time they start to talk about these things, it’s really hard.
“We need to get the resources into their hands before that becomes their only choice.”
Next week’s blokes night is expected to attract upwards of a hundred participants.
Similar gatherings in Tumut, Adelong, Batlow and Gundagia brought together 200.
“When we were in Tumut, they were saying it was unheard of to have that many men turn out without a beer in sight,” said Mr Harkin.
“So I asked them, ‘why’d you come?’ One guy said ‘I’ve lost a couple apprentices [to suicide] already, I don’t want to lose another’.”
The decision to bring the program to Wagga has been in the works for the past 12 months, but gained momentum in February, when Riverina Bluebell’s Jan Gray sneaked into Tumut’s workshop.
“It’s a program that really simply introduces peer support. We often see men are very reticent to talking to each other about the deeper side,” Ms Gray said.
“But [in Tumut] you could see as the night went on, they were becoming stronger and stronger, and able to participate more.”
After benefiting from a $21,000 donation on behalf of Melbourne’s Truly Deeply agency, Mr Harkin began to see the time was right to come to Wagga.
“It’s been a deliberate decision to focus on rural communities. You need a lot of resilience and strength in the country, and at the moment the challenges are really being seen.”
“Being out in rural areas, it’s easy to see there isn’t enough support. In the metros, it’s spoiled for choice, there’s a plethora of them, and the question there is whether they’re being used. But in the country there’s no choice, so too many don’t get the help.
Mr Harkin chalks the success up to the manner in which the message is delivered.
“It’s not a preachy event, it’s a rare opportunity for blokes to hear honestly from each other about what it’s actually like living rural,” said Mr Harkin.
“We’ve never had a guy leave saying that it was a waste of time to be there. If you want to be a better father, brother, mate, and man, be there.”
If you or someone you know needs help, contact:
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800
MensLine Australia – 1300 78 99 78