What is BLOSS?

Megan Gaffney: BLOSS is Riverina Pregnancy and Baby Loss Support. We’re a relatively new group that supports bereaved families after the loss of their baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or a neonatal death.

We have monthly support groups and have care packs for families to be given when they leave the hospital, which we think is really important because a lot of the time people get left with nothing.

We celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It’s really important to recognise that we are still mums and dads, even though our babies aren’t here.

We have family days as well.

Katie Francis: At the moment we are planning the Remembrance Walk, and we will have a Christmastime event as well.

Tell me more about the Remembrance Walk.

Katie: The Remembrance Walk is on Sunday, October 14, at the Victory Memorial Gardens between 10am and 2pm. It’s a family event and it’s open to the community as well.

It’s an event to acknowledge babies who haven’t been able to stay with us. It’s also an opportunity for families and friends to acknowledge these babies.

It’s a one-kilometre light stroll around the Victory Memorial Gardens.

We have a remembrance ceremony, where we will have a bit of a talk around awareness and what it means.

Families will have the opportunity to release a flower into the Wollundry Lagoon, and there will be market stalls, food and children’s activities.

There will also be an opportunity to engage with some formal supports in the community, as well as some informal supports.

The walk will be held just before International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15.

October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so there’s a whole lot of campaigning that can happen this month and it’s really special that we are part of that for the community.

Megan: It’s also an opportunity to raise awareness in people who haven’t experienced a loss. Six babies a day in Australia are stillborn.

Katie: And those stats haven’t changed in decades. The stats are still really significant.

If those stats could be reduced, the impacts on so many families would be reduced. 

Still the stats are one in four women are affected by miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss.

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Are we getting better at the awareness?

Megan: I think yes and no. Obviously what usually happens is, you don’t talk about it unless it happens to you. And then the awareness happens.

When it happens to you, everyone comes out of the woodwork: an auntie, a nan.

Katie: Everyone you’re connected with has some kind of link to it and it’s quite significant.

Megan: And it should be spoken about more, because it does happen.

I think doctors warn you about diabetes in pregnancy and all the other medical things, but not this so much.

Katie: We have seen with the SIDS campaign that rates have reduced significantly, so advocacy and awareness is something really important that we would like to see around miscarriage and stillbirth, that opportunity for research and education for everybody.

The other thing we are seeing is having considerable impact is the grief and loss journey. Even with the raised awareness, we see people don’t always know how to process grief and loss and that everyone who experiences grief and loss has their own individual journey and their own experiences.

It would be great to just get more support around that journey. That’s where we see the support groups having a role, and links with professional services, especially around our particular types of grief.

What do you wish people understood about stillbirth?

Megan: That it does happen. I’ve been really lucky that our friends and family are really open. Our friends talk about Ruby. They embrace our kids. They’re not just shoved under the rug and ‘oh that’s really sad, but you’ve moved on because you’ve had other kids’.

It’s important to acknowledge them.

Katie: It’s about acknowledgement. Even though it can be upsetting, it’s probably more a happy tear that people are acknowledging them and remembering that it’s life-long.

It’s not something that does go away. We finds ways to manage, but they are such a part of our life.

Anna McRorie: Just because people are not bringing it up, it doesn’t mean that we’re not thinking about it all the time. 

It is better when people do say something, rather than just pretend it never happened. We still know that it happened. We’re not just going to wake up and have forgotten.

It would be nice to say their name. It is nice to mention them, just like you would mention our other kids.

What would you say to families who are going through a loss?

Megan: Just reach out. Be in the moment. You don’t have to grieve in a certain way. There is no time limit on how sad you have to be.

Take lots of photos. Create your memories as best you can. Allow your families and friends to join in, if you want to.

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