I need help. I have been reading your column for years and you always seem to get it right.
My problem is simple really. I was raised by my birth mother and her husband.
My real father apparently left before I was born.
I have a great relationship with my “step father” but at the end of the day, he isn’t my real dad.
I want to pursue my father and get to know him.
My mother tells me this will only end up in heartbreak.
My step dad doesn’t know as I am reluctant to hurt him. What should I do?
IT IS all about respect. If you really want to pursue your birth father, there is no problem with that.
How you deal with your mum and step dad are the issues.
Be respectful of their feelings and remember your step dad did not have to take you in and consider you to be his daughter.
Just be careful, put yourself in their shoes along your journey and that should guide you.
Tell your step dad quietly and gently what you seek to do whilst giving him the credit that is due to him.
One word of advice however. Don’t get so invested that if this goes awry, you can’t deal with the fallout.
Sometimes these things don’t work out. Good luck, but if worst comes to worst you still have a mum and a seemingly pretty good step dad.
TREAD carefully! But be honest with him.
- IF YOU NEED HELP: Contact Lifeline 13 11 14.