Hi Aunt Agony
My problem is probably only small but is certainly causing me a great deal of grief.
I have found a perfectly delightful man. He is one in a million, and we get on so very well. He treats me very, very well indeed and our disagreeances, which all people have, are over and done with quite easily.
I know he is about to ask me to marry him which should make me the happiest woman alive. But it doesn't for one little moment.
You see I do not want to have children. Ever at all. I am not maternal, have no feelings of needing to do my piece for population growth.
He comes from a family where marital success is based on the number of kids you provide.
My biggest issue is that we have never discussed children and I somehow think he assumes that that is a natural conclusion that I want them.
I do love him but can assure you that I am not going to change my mind on this issue.
How do I tackle this without losing him?
Sounds like you have a really great partner there. I agree with the Boys this week. Honesty is always the best policy and you should not just assume that he does or doesn't want children.
I know many people who don't and even others that given their time over, would not populate. This is way too important to be guessing at.
It's an easy discussion really. For god's sake, just ask the damn question. Ask him what he sees in the future of you two? Work, career, travel, children? It will only get tricky if the two of you are at total odds on the children aspect.
I find it hard to believe that you find this so hard. One thing I can be sure of is that if he want kids then your picture just changed big time.
This is of course if you are sure you are never having kids – do not agree to marry him even if the proviso is that you will think about it over the years, or that "maybe you will change your mind".
Be very careful you do not breed false hope into this man.
If he wants kids and you definitely don't you both have some pretty big decisions to make. Or maybe not: you don't want kids? Then you won't want a man that does. Simple really.
Hope all goes well.
Honesty is always the best policy we think (well, at least most of the time).
Maybe before you are sitting together with the engagement ring on your finger, you might be assured that not all men want children either.