One of Wagga’s former soldiers says he still wakes up screaming some nights.
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The nightmares, hallucinations and anxiety make up part of the shadow that followed David Farrell when he left the defence force in 1999.
Mr Farrell shared his harrowing journey from military to civilian life amid Veteran’s Health Week.
It is a journey he said many of his fellow veterans also faced, whether they saw conflict or not; a journey the general population struggled to comprehend.
“I haven’t met anybody, who has served in the military, who doesn’t have some sort of physiological issues,” Mr Farrell said.
“We’ve witnessed and experienced different things that affect your psyche.”
He said the training veterans went through was necessary but affected your mind.
“They break you down to build you up,” Mr Farrell said.
“I believe it’s that warhorse kind of mentality, which is needed if you’re training for a potential war.”
The former Army corporal worked in catering for 11 years before a training injury forced him to leave.
He had been earmarked to go overseas when his ankle was horrifically broken.
“It’s one of my biggest frustrations to this day – not getting to go,” he said. “It’s still on my mind.”
After years of treatment, eight surgeries, relative complications and issues with the Department of Veterans’ affairs (DVA), Mr Farrell underwent a below-knee amputation.
He said the much-needed surgery he received in August had been a long time coming.
But despite being now pain free, he said the injuries you couldn't see were were harder to treat. Living with post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety, Mr Farrell said there was a time he hit rock bottom.
“I witnessed a soldier shoot himself,” He said. “I’ve seen some bad things.”
Without the help of his family and the support of the RSL, the 49-year-old said he would be a lot worse off.
“I tried to commit suicide four times,” Mr Farrell said.
“I was in a really bad place.”
He said a greater understanding and a greater tolerance from medical professionals, employers and the general public could make a difference – if only a small one.
“You get nothing to help you cope with civilian society when you leave,” he said.
“I’m lucky I have my wife but those that are alone have to face all this themselves.”
For crisis support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyondblue on 1300 224 636.