“As I got a bit older and went round to friends’ houses I started to realise what relationships were supposed to be – and it wasn’t yelling and screaming,” said Mr Maher, of Valentine.

“I really can’t point to a particular day, week or month, but I began to work out what was normal behaviour and what was abnormal behaviour.

“I just had this gradual realisation that what was going on in our house was not right.”

Mr Maher grew up the oldest of eight children born to a volatile father who verbally and physically abused their mother Evelyn until a few years before she passed away aged 49.

He was 12 when he began trying to protect his mother as his father unleashed punches, hurled items and spat out ugly words.

He remembers trying to speak to his mother about her never-ending ordeal, which drove her to cigarettes and analgesics.

“Mum did not want to talk about it – it was none of my business,” Mr Maher said.

“It was something she did not want to enter into any discussion with me about.

“I’d just scratch my head and say ‘What is going on here?’

“She never did anything to deserve any of this.”

Mr Maher has dedicated the past decade to throwing himself into roles that honour his mother’s memory.

He is a White Ribbon ambassador and as president of the Macquarie Scorpions Rugby League Club partnered with the Department of Premier and Cabinet’s Let’s Tackle Domestic Violence program.

The club participated for four years – the maximum term possible – in the program, in which every club official and team member sign a code of conduct about refraining from domestic violence, agree to become role models and participate in a community education campaign.

It continues to enforce the code of conduct, has a relationship with Westlakes Domestic Violence Committee and will roll out a program for its affiliated junior clubs next year about respectful relationships.

“People don’t come out and say it but you can sense some of the young men thinking ‘What has this got to do with us?’,” he said.

“We deal with that by identifying they’ve got mothers, sisters, friends who are young women.

“Across the world about one third of women experience physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime, so someone they meet or know may have suffered in some form. Part of the education process is explaining to these young men the positive role they can play just by being good role models in their own family, neighbourhood, town and workplace.”

Mr Maher said his earliest memories are tainted with his father’s anger, violence and abuse. “It’s always been there, I don’t have any memories of any other circumstances – Mum copped it all the time” he said. “When I look back there was never really a normal, happy time.”

Mr Maher said it was “open slather” from his father, who would punch, give back handers, throw things and occasionally kick his wife when she was on the ground.

“The verbal abuse was basically non-stop,” he said.

“Mum would have thought she could never do a thing right. She was meek and timid and was too frightened to say boo to a goose – she would have had no self esteem whatsoever and no hope.”

Mr Maher said he heard whispers from his aunty and uncle that his paternal grandfather had also been a “mean and nasty bastard”.

“But I don’t accept that – how he grew up did not give him any excuse to do that,” he said. “I won’t tolerate that. You need to take responsibility for your actions.”

Mr Maher said he believes his parents enjoyed brief honeymoon periods, but does not think his mother ever attempted to leave.

Even if she had, there was no support available for victims, particularly those with children.

Mr Maher said his father’s behaviour went unchallenged by family, friends and neighbours.  He even saved his “best performances” for special occasions.

“Hardly a Christmas Day went by without him putting on some kind of performance, either smashing things, throwing things, belting Mum and carrying on,” he said. “It would happen in public places and at family functions and no-one did a thing. The neighbours would have to have been deaf, dumb, blind and stupid not to know. But no-one ever came and stuck up for Mum. It was disgusting. In the 1950s, 60s and 70s people didn’t want to get involved.

“They wanted to sweep it under the carpet – that’s why White Ribbon Day is so important. It’s about lifting the rock and exposing the germs to sunlight.”

Mr Maher said he blames his father for his mother’s death, saying she consumed the cigarettes and analgesics that caused her emphysema and heart, liver and kidney problems to cope.

“It’s as if he killed her himself,” he said. “I hated this creature and what he did to my mother.

“He lasted a lot longer than Mum did and that’s not fair. I think about Mum a lot – I think about the short life she lived and wish it was different.”

Mr Maher said he made himself a promise as a young man to be the best father he could. He and his wife Kerrie, who also grew up in an abusive household, have four daughters and 13 grandchildren.

“I’m driven by protecting my children and grandchildren and trying to do my tiny bit in this part of the world to make it a much better and safer place for their generation.”