Chris Wilson never thought he would get his old life back. The once happy, optimistic farmer had fallen into a state of depression so deep that any relief from the illness felt impossible.
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After the death of his brother 25 years ago, Mr Wilson woke each morning with the “dull ache” of grief in his stomach that gnawed away at his insides, eating him alive.
It was a battle Mr Wilson said he suffered in silence and one that gave rose to his 15-year struggle with depression.
“My depression started because I didn’t want to show my grief after my brother’s death”, he said. “I wanted to be strong and out of that my depression manifested itself and grew.”
“You carry it around with you and it’s always there like background noise, driving you mad and stopping you from functioning.”
The Wagga farmer went through years of emotional ups and downs: some days able to keep afloat, while others were too unbearable to even pull himself out of bed.
When the drought struck in 2000, Mr Wilson said he took a turn for the very worst.
“I crashed really badly and every day was a struggle,” he said.
“I got to the point where I was tantalised by the idea of suicide and it really became something I contemplated, which was frightening.”
Mr Wilson’s future seemed bleak until his sister confronted him about seeking help, forcing him to call a psychologist and make an appointment.
“She locked all the doors and windows, so I had nowhere to run, and I knew I had to make a change,” he said. “At first I was terrified to confront it, because I thought the problem was so huge and daunting that it would be impossible to overcome.”
Mr Wilson admitted he owes his life to his sister, saying that taking the first step on the road to recovery was half the battle, but once the journey had begun, people would see recovery was possible.
“Making the first phone call for help is 50 per cent of the struggle, he said. “But once you take that step there's a phenomenal feeling of relief.”
Mr Wilson’s journey now sees him campaigning for Wagga’s Riverina Bluebell, encouraging people to open up about their mental health.
“So many people are touched by depression and I want to encourage people to ask for help and feel confident that they can help others too,” he said.
- If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, contact Lifeline: 13 11 14
