Agony Aunt
Julie Elphick
Dear Aunty,
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I WOULD like to ask your advice on a small problem I have.
I had been in a relationship with a man for about three years and he recently asked me tt marry him.
I am ashamed to say that in a moment of stupidity and perhaps fear I declined this man’s proposal and in fact I was quite brusque about my refusal.
Subsequently he left and will not take any of my calls or attempts to apologise.
None of his friends will speak to me either and his family are furious with me.
The small problem I have is that I do want to marry him and I need him to know that.
Maybe he will not forgive me but I still need to tell him I am sorry for my reaction and also that I love him with m whole heart and do wish to marry him.
I cannot explain what came over me when he proposed … I can only call it a brain snap.
How can I make him see that it was my stupidity at the time, not my real heart speaking?
Agony Aunt
I AM a little at a loss as how to answer your email. A little more information may have helped. When you say you were brusque in your refusal, what did you actually say to this guy?
I’m struggling with your assertion that it was just a “brain snap”. How does one have a brain snap when their guy of three years proposes to them? Am I missing something here?
The first thing you have to do is actually work out why you refused his proposal and then decide if you do want him in your life. And I don’t mean because you now find you are on your own and it sounds like a number of people in your life are pretty unhappy with you.
Don’t make these things the reason you try to patch up your relationship. Only after you consider all these things can you track him down to apologise and try to resurrect your relationship. In other words make sure you are doing this for all the right reasons.
If and when you get to that place where you can categorically say out loud that you want to marry this man should you go talk to him. How do you do that? If you do not know his movements after three years well?
Go find him and be honest. What else can you do?
Good luck.
BOYS CLUB
WE don’t think there is any doubt that he understands your stupidity. Call it a brain snap or whatever you like, we don’t like your chances of getting him to understand or take you back.